You might not know this about me, but I love fireworks and routinely embarrass my po' Hubs with public displays of fireworks shenanigans: squeals, jumps up and down and involuntary giggles. Yes, very unadult-like behaviours. But I honestly can't help myself. There is something so glorious and majestic about fireworks. I love their exuberance. I love their explosions of colour and patterns. I love how they utterly illuminate the darkest night. I love how they "die" spending their short "life" making beautiful light.
So last evening, Hubs brought in some white sheets I'd forgotten on the line until it was night-night and I was laying on my bed. Lights went out and almost immediately thereafter, my eyes, heavy with sleep, saw a sudden flash. It appeared a firefly had come in with the laundry. And we were gifted with a private laser show by which, I discovered, I was as delighted as by fireworks. For many of the same reasons I mentioned, despite the fact that there was only a singular colour: phosphorescent greenish-yellow. Which unfortunately, sounds a lot like puke or bile, but so isn't!
He or she flitted around in the dark, putting on a heck of a mating display, with no mate in sight. Unless of course, John or I have a heretofore unknown sexy firefly vibe :-). I guess it finally figured out it best conserve its strength to navigate this new indoor wilderness and it stopped glowing after about five or so minutes. We tried to find it to release it back outside, but without its lantern on, we could not. I was so sleepy that I gave up, saying a prayer that it would somehow survive the night.
Early this morning, I spotted it on the screen over the open window. Poor thing, tortured for who knows how many hours, so close to freedom, yet so far. Smelling the wind, seeing the non-incarcerated fireflies flitting about and being taunted by their passionate dancing and wanton copulating!
I wondered if it had an existential crisis, asking questions like: What's my life worth if I don't fulfill my destiny to multiply?Will I ever fly free again? Have I lost my Light? Will I ever know true love? What kind of God would let this happen to me, when I've tried my best to be a good firefly?
Or was it occupied with more mundane thoughts like: I'm so hungry! Am I just gonna freaking starve to death? I wonder how much phosphor I've got left in the tank? How should I best ration it? Will I ever have sex again? I really have to pee...should I just go here, in front of God and everybody?
The long and short of this story is that it was freed (I don't know if it ever gave in and peed, YUCK!) and took off like the lightening after which it is nicknamed. As Hubs was opening the screen, I noticed how very plain looking it was in the daylight. Nothing at all special, certainly not attractive by normal standards. A kind of dour, longish dusky-black cockroachy (again, yuck!) body with a dull reddish-orange head and a wing-fissure stripe along its back.
But oh man! Come dusk, fall night, when you can't see its form, only its Light....there is nothing more beautiful. Like the full moon, these never fail to make my breath catch.
I think there were profound teachings here. Simpler ones like not judging a book by its cover and looking before you leap, so you don't land up in an inadvertent pickle (coming indoors on a sheet!). More complex ones, like freedom being requisite to shining brightly and fulfilling one's destiny; like abandoning oneself to a universal dance and that joyous movement then has myriad ripple effects and the world is never the same again.
I ended up asking myself: what does it mean to be free? What does it look like when the illusory veils are removed and the soul is allowed to simply shine? Is there anything more lovely than something arising out of life bursting out of itself? Is this bursting forth, in those rare relationships where there is little 'mind-drag', where we are blessed simply to witness the Pure Light in each another, what we humans experience as "Love"?
And a few last compelling thoughts: Was this firefly born and destined to end up in my bedroom last night, and stay 'til morning, so I could ponder these things? Was it able to perceive my Light, just as I perceived its Light? Thanks for reading and Happy Almost Summer Solstice, when light and dark are in perfect balance. I bow to my Shadow and to my Illumination. I Dance my version of the Dance of the Firefly, I witness yours and am in awe of both: for they are nothing short of Divine.
I am a field of awareness. Any thing beyond that is identification with form...