There are people in your life whom I believe ‘contracted’ to be anchors for you. Ones who hold all, or a large percentage of, your entire history. Some share your blood, some are relatives of the spirit. They know you, in a way that those who drop in much later, cannot.....simply because they have been there to Witness your process, pretty much from inception. When they must finally leave, because their mission on all levels, is complete...you are aware that the world for you, simply will never be the same. Especially, of course, if you shared the same house, but even if you had not lived nearby for many, many years. Because you knew, day to day, that they were someplace safe, breathing and keeping your history alive just by doing this.
The truth is, the sadness is yours, not theirs, because they delivered their destiny perfectly, a ‘good and faithful servant’ to the very end.
You can bear your sadness. You can. Because you have had a baton of sorts passed to you. You must now carry a Spark of the one who was your anchor so that your world continues to experience them, through you, in some small way. Perhaps by a simple smile (when you least feel like smiling), maybe through an unbroadcasted act of kindness, maybe by refusing to react to provocation, maybe by putting one foot in front of the other and carrying on when you most feel like giving up. Small, simple things....just how they showed you.
Your sadness is also made bearable because you know in your deepest heart, that the sweet souls of the ones who anchored you, were themselves untethered and have easily flown Home, given wings by their day-to-day kindness and a Grace that they made look ordinary, but which was spun of extraordinary threads of finest gold.
Your sadness has to be felt and it is difficult.....but it is also lined, even at its terrible depths which all that you hold holy must now give you the courage to navigate......with a Love that lies outside of the boundaries of space, time and matter. This is the vibration in which your anchors now reside and where you have to resonate in order to experience them again, in a different, more refined, way.
On a very personal note: Wednesday just past was Granny Achong’s 100th birthday. Wednesday night, I dreamed of watching three solar eclipses, one after the other, with a bit of time between them. Incidentally, Granny Achong left her body peacefully on Thursday morning, 100 years and one day young.
I believe the dream was a message of hope from my three grandmothers: my actual maternal granny, Eileen Shahani- the first eclipse; my granny-in- spirit, Auntie Bhabi- the second eclipse; now my granny Achong, also granny-in-spirit- the third eclipse.
In the dream, the process of each eclipse was wondrous and the darkness immediately after, immense. An immersion in a darkness so deep and profound such as I have never experienced in ‘real’ life. But then, each time, the sun re-emerged and the Light was brighter than ever.
I hope my three grandmothers are dancing together in the ethers, in the joy of knowing they did their very best always and that they loved themselves inside out. I am so grateful they were, and still are, forever mine. I will promise to continually assess and ask myself often what I am doing to give back some of that Perfect Love that was poured into me by three of the very finest women I will ever know.
Here they are.
Eileen Shahani (Baby me, Petra Street, Woodbrook, Trinidad)
Auntie Bhabie (62 Sutter Avenue, Canada)
Granny Achong (St. Anns, Trinidad 2017)
I am a field of awareness. Any thing beyond that is identification with form...